Ok, so I’m not actually trying to lose weight.  However, I am trying to get healthy and toned.

What does that mean?

Well, it means:

  • taking the stairs when I can
  • going for short walks a few times everyday
  • eating throughout the day, not just one large meal
  • Drinking more water.
  • Being more active.

Ok, so Before camp I was 397 lbs. (mid-may 2012)

Latex Dress Early May 2012

Camp 2012, 06/02

After camp I was 392. (Early June 2012)

Mid June 2012

Last week I was 387.  (mid-june 2012)

Today I was 385.  I have muscle tone in my legs where previously I had excess jiggly.  Not the sexy jiggly, the floppy jiggly.

Sorry no pic.

If this path continues by Camp 2013 I’m gonna be built like a brick shithouse!



ChipIn for my new space!

Ok, so I’ve started a ChipIn page to raise money piecemeal for my new space.  I’m trying to start a multi-use space to host kink demos, parties, and general chicanery.

Please Help!


Ok, so the 200 Squat Challenge Post was actually a somewhat reactionary post to some things going on in my life as late. 

  1. My mother and I haven’t been speaking for some time now.  Again.  It happened after the Northeast Earthquake.  We reconciled tentatively until the hurricane (Irene?) where she got all super passive agressive again.  We haven’t spoken since except for a mass email I sent to family regarding not moving to CA and a thank you note I received for sending her flowers for her bday.
  2. California.  I love you.  I hate you.  So we got a “No”, but they are still interested to a degree, so we’re somewhat in limbo again.
  3. Work.  It’s like the School posts I made.  Exactly.  Except now I’m getting paid to deal with this crap.  Although not enough.
  4. Weight battles.  This will get it’s own bit below.
  5. Relationship battles.  Might get it’s own post.
  6. General Malaise. Will probably also get it’s own post.

Ok, so weight battles.  M has decided that he didn’t want to by bigger pants so he started to alter his diet some and has lost some pretty considerable amounts of weight.  I’m happy that he’s decided to be healthier, however, it’s been rough going.  M is a high-functioning Aspie, which sometimes leads to him not always catchign on to how something he says might affect soemone.  He knows I’ve had weight issues most of my life, mostly stemming from the wonderfully supportive (sic) family o’ mine.  So, the issue really began to rear it’s ugly head when he would say “Oh, let’s not have dinner at the restaurant we normally eat at b/c it’s too heavy,” or “Do you REALLY want an appetizer?  That’s a lot of food.”

He meant well, but that’s a far nicer way of saying things my parents used to say.  I was ok at first, but it kept eating at me.  I’ve been staying at the same weight range for most of the summer.  I’ve definitely lost some weight, but I hit my plateau.  I think it was mostly stress; between work and CA, I’ve had my share lately. 

Now, some of you might read this and go, WHAT?!  So, to pre-empt that, I still love myself.  I love me as I am, and my main plan is still to tone muscles rather than lose weight, but because of the things M would say I was freaking out in my head and starting paying way too much attention to my weight rather than how I feel.  I was pretty depressed for the past month or 2. 

I decided to just stop. 

M didn’t mean anything against me with his comments, but the combined stress and monotony and general malaise he and I had been experiencing led to a lot of issues including butting heads more than necessary, and lack of sex, and not going out and being bums; none of whihc helped my brain resist the spiraling of depression.  He really does still like me and want me and is attracted to me, but do you think my brain thought that?  Nope.

My brain doesn’t really factor compliments and criticisms in when it tallies my self-worth and self-esteem.  However certain comments can make it twitch a bit.  The funny thing is that even though I was depressed, I still had amazingly high self-esteem, I was just not my super bubbly self.

Ok, enough for one day.  Although in the future, I will be posting about nuymbers 5 and 6.

Sexual education for your iPhone!

Texas Rabbi Creates Sex Ed AppHouston, TX Dec 22, 2010 in Education

[] Houston, Texas – “An app that grows lesions is sure to get a young person’s attention” says Rabbi Amy Weiss, a Houston rabbi and executive director of Initiative for Jewish Women (IJW). Weiss is the creator of LoveSmarts, an entertaining iPhone app complete with an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infections) killing game to educate people about contraception and sexually transmitted diseases all in the name of tikkun olam, repairing the world.

LoveSmarts is a four part app that provides concise information about sexually transmitted infections and their symptoms, method of treatment and prevention; nine forms of contraception, cost, availability and effectiveness; a link with the Princeton University’s emergency contraception directory by zip code and a game that has a variety of viruses and bacterial infections that a player must kill with the correct “weapon” (antibiotics by injection or pills or topical creams or pills. The LoveSmarts app is available for $.99 through iTunes. Follow LoveSmarts on Facebook.

LoveSmarts is part of There’s Only 1U, the only medically accurate sexuality program taught within a framework of Jewish values. The Initiative for Jewish Women, creator and provider of the program feels strongly that knowledge is power and people 15-25 need to have private, fast access to medically accurate information. In addition to the app, IJW holds overnight retreats for Jewish teens ages 15-18 and offers puberty education for younger students.

Device Requirements:

iPhone, iPod touch, and iPad

Requires iOS 3.1.2 or later (iOS 4.0 Tested)

4.4 MB

Pricing and Availability:LoveSmarts 1.0 is only $0.99 USD (or equivalent amount in other currencies) and available worldwide exclusively through the App Store in the Education category.

LoveSmarts 1.0Purchase and DownloadScreenshotApp IconIJW is a non-profit organization that provides multi-generational programming for liberal Jewish women in Houston, Texas. In addition to sexuality programming, IJW focuses on mentoring younger Jewish women, both professionally and Jewishly and Undies for Everyone, an annual drive to collect new underwear and socks for disadvantaged elementary school children. IJW’s work has a strong focus on tikkun olam, repairing the world.

Copyright (C) 2010 IJW. All Rights Reserved. Apple, the Apple logo, iPhone, iPod and iPad are registered trademarks of Apple Inc. in the U.S. and/or other countries.


Rabbi Amy Weiss

Executive Director



Amusing evening anecdote…

I had to explain what I do to a longtime friend of my bf.  Their friendship dates back to grade-school and they are both approaching late 30s.  I had to stop before I said something and ask, “How much do you want your friend to know of what I do?”

Obviously, being such long friends, my bf was quite fine with me telling his friend about what I do (the modelling and fetish videos).

I had to chuckle to myself because I started to say something and had to pull myself back.  I realized that what I do is so natural to me that I really need to be careful in mixed company.  Not everyone approves of what is it that I do, and I do not want to alienate a loved one because of this.  I, very obviously, do not go spouting, “I do porn!!” in front of my bf’s mother, but in company with his friends I have to be a tad more careful.


It hurts so good…

As many of you know, I do a lot of various things in the Adult industry. I am a professional dominatrix, a model, a sex educator, and a porn star. I like to do a number of things to promote freedom of expression, and tend to live my life out loud.

I’d made a decent friend in a local producer here in the Boston Area this year. I did a tickling video for him (I’m only ticklish in 1 spot and he didn’t find it) earlier in the year and we’d become friends since then. I’d sent him a few folks and one of them spurred him on to do more types of videos and he called me up to do a couple videos doing some things he knew I enjoyed and that he’d really enjoy doing with me.

(I also think he thought it might be a good way to break the ice a bit to become a little more intimate off camera…but that’s just conjecture.)

Now, I do a lot of things for a lot of different people, in fact I’m going to Florida this weekend so that I can spend 2 days doing shoots in their balmy temps. So, when my friend asked me to do some foot fetish stuff I was all for it. On tap was a foot job clip, a hand job clip, and some crazy monkey toes stuff.

Yeah, I’ve got the monkey toes. they aren’t especially long, but they are agile.

So yesterday, we meet up, go for some food, kvetch about mutual acquaintances and friends. The food was awesome, I had a s’mores crepe….um yum! He giggled at my aversion to the sticky. But chocolate and sugar and crepe and graham cracker….yummmmmmmmmy.


We go back to his place and setup shop. Very low budget, but seriously a lot of fun!

We do the footjob first….figuring that foot job then crazy monkey toes stuff then handjob….. Foot job should only take about 10 minutes….

36 minutes later….he has been hard the whole time kept on the edge of coming and suddenly has to pee. No, I wasn’t playing with his prostate or kidneys or bladder, just giving an amazing footjob. We go back to footjob for awhile. Then I do hands for a little while.

I have zero concept of time during this whole thing, I didn’t find out it was 36 minutes until later. We keep going, and suddenly his voice is rising and his moans become almost whimpered pleas to finally cum.

So, I tease verbally.

It’s what I do.

It really helps that I have very limber and strong fingers. Many years of playing classical piano and typing. I held him on the edge of orgasm again. I can see that the camera has been wavering and losing focus for awhile now. I’m very amused.

I ask coyly, “Do you want to cum?”

Reply, “If you let me.”

“Aww, do you REALLY want to cum?”

*moan and almost a whimper* “please”

“Cum for me.”

He proceeds to let out one hell of a cumshot. I’m surprised none of it got on the camera.

He’s surprised.

Surprised he held an erection that long….which is when I found out how long the clips were….where we also joke about how editing is going to be a bitch b/c the raw is going to look like a cross between cloverfield and the blair witch project.

Apparently, and he confirms, I am REALLY good at what I do. He has never held an erection that long, came that hard, nor came quite that much. He glowed for a good amount of time where we didn’t quite snuggle, but he caressed me and we chatted.

Now prior to this there had been some talk about him returning the pleasure, but I’d not negotiated that with my boy so I refrained, though I really was beginning to feel turned on at this point.

After a bit of hemming and hawing, because I did say that I had to be home for 5 since the boy was going to be without me for 4 days, we decided to do the monkey toes clip. There was a hint of a pout from my shooting partner, but he made me pinky swear to be back for that and more shooting, and not shooting, fun.

Monkey toes involved baby oil gel being drizzled over my feet and then rubbed in. I rubbed them, and grabbed one foot with the other and even interlaced my toes. There was a lot of eyebrow raising and surpised but pleased nodding coming from the video guy. Then a few snaps of my feet and we were done for the day.

It was a really good time, and once it’s posted I’ll be sure to link folks, b/c lemme tell ya, it’s super sexy! Oh, and my toes were painted “Dear Santa”….which amuses me.

Once I got home…oooh that’s another post….but later that evening and all of today I’ll bend or squat and the leg muscles will begin to ache again. I feel similar to when i used to elliptical or bike a lot. My legs are just achey, but then an hour or more of awesome footwork will do that to ya.

It’s not all bad either, I do smile and giggle every time I move in a direction that causes them to ache a bit. I should do this more.

Radio Silence…

I know that I’ve been out of touch lately.  I have had a number of things happen in my life.

  1. Graduated Medical Assistant School
  2. Sat for my phlebotomy board
  3. Passed my phlebotomy board
  4. Started Externship
  5. Completed Externship
  6. Took a contract gig that has me up at ass o’clock in the morning.
  7. Footnight
  8. Got offered several gigs as a pinup and fetish model.

So, yeah, a number of things.

Medical Assisting is cool, I’m enjoying it.  I am however horrified at the lack of care and safety a lot of my colleagues practice.  Next step there:  Nursing School.

Modelling has kind of surprised me.  I was head-hunted for a few sites which kinda blows my mind.  Word of mouth they hunted me down, and offered me a really good starting package.  I am looking forward to the travel associated with these upcoming shoots (FL, UK, and others!).

So, that’s my life lately…a quick note to end the radio silence.

I do plan on filling in those placeholders soon.

Need some ideas…

Yes, this is a shameless call for some ideas for a fetish video shoot I’m going to do.  I’d love to see some really juicy stories from y’all!

Shorter Updates