Me in the 1930s

Bottom Line, I’m not a spouse. I took both of these as me, in each instance I pictured the Spainard as the listed spouse, and in one instance pictured the puppy as the child (happy to see when come home). Amusing overall. The scale is 0-whatever. I scored negative on both.


As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Poor (Failure)

Take the test!


As a 1930s husband, I am
Very Poor (Failure)

Take the test!

ENG 112 – Introduction Post

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away known as Philadelphia, a little demon was born.  She was of blonde hair and blue eyes and a self-possessed demeanor that was well beyond her years.  Adopted by a gentle couple and raised in Southern New Jersey, she knew she would not remain there for long.  Though she has changed locations throughout her years, her sharp tongue has remained a part of who she is.  Currently residing in the hamlet of Malden in the shire of Massachusetts, she maintains an identity as a Pinup Model, Costumer, Sex Educator and self-described Buxom Brazen Bitch.

She entered into the medical field via Veterinary medicine, though through several fits and starts with extenuating circumstances including the loss of her father to liver cancer; she left the animal sciences for human medicine.  Originally taking an interest in Holistic and Adolescent Psychology she soon found herself as an ad hoc sexual health counselor for her peers and colleagues; a role that she did exceedingly well with.  Realizing that there was a dearth of open-minded sex-positive medical professionals in her communities, she found her calling.  A small amount of research and a few sleepless nights later she had a plan, the end goal of which would seat this rogue with a Doctoral degree in Practical Nursing focusing on Sexual Health and Counseling.

Always the self-starter, the internet provided this burgeoning force with a means to sate her lust for knowledge.  Online college courses allowed her to pursue her career as well as a degree to further the very same.  Modern technology has provided her with the ability to take these courses while logging hours at one of the leading HIV research centers in the Boston Metro area, work late into the night crafting wonderful pieces of art, or travel to conventions where she lectures on safer sex practices and interpersonal relations in complex settings.

From a young age this little monster was schooled in the ways of grammar and diction as her maternal figure was one of the teachers of English in a suburban school and drilled the creature incessantly demanding better than perfection.  While tedious, this served the young one well in her later years, though it often caused her to be bored in literature classes further in her education as she had read the classics when she was still wee.  She always enjoyed writing and had an off-beat way of presenting information that lent itself well to her role as presenter at conferences; while her attention to detail served her well in her research and professional writing career.

Having lived the life of a nomad for several years, this hellion knows well the benefit of tempering one’s expectations.  She enters into each endeavor with an open mind, a hopeful spirit, and a solid plan to poke as much fun as she can at nearly everything.


Ok, so I’m not actually trying to lose weight.  However, I am trying to get healthy and toned.

What does that mean?

Well, it means:

  • taking the stairs when I can
  • going for short walks a few times everyday
  • eating throughout the day, not just one large meal
  • Drinking more water.
  • Being more active.

Ok, so Before camp I was 397 lbs. (mid-may 2012)

Latex Dress Early May 2012

Camp 2012, 06/02

After camp I was 392. (Early June 2012)

Mid June 2012

Last week I was 387.  (mid-june 2012)

Today I was 385.  I have muscle tone in my legs where previously I had excess jiggly.  Not the sexy jiggly, the floppy jiggly.

Sorry no pic.

If this path continues by Camp 2013 I’m gonna be built like a brick shithouse!



I am starting to feel old…

Ok, we all get old, and granted I’m only gonna be 28, but I just found out that I’m going to need glasses. I have a very mild prescription, and am only supposed to wear them at night when I drive and only when I really need them.

It makes me feel a little old b/c I’ve always had really good vision.

I know……hush…..I already look good in glasses and I only need them sporadically…bah.

Personality Test Results

Jung Test Results

Extroverted (E) 63.41% Introverted (I) 36.59%
Intuitive (N) 52.63% Sensing (S) 47.37%
Thinking (T) 83.87% Feeling (F) 16.13%
Judging (J) 54.84% Perceiving (P) 45.16%

Your type is: ENTJ

ENTJ – “Field Marshall”. The basic driving force and need is to lead. Tend to seek a position of responsibility and enjoys being an executive. 1.8% of total population.

Take Free Jung Personality Test
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Enneagram Test Results

The Enneagram is a personality system which divides the entire human personality into nine behavioral tendencies, this is your score on each…

type score type behavior motivation

9 25 I must maintian a peaceful and easygoing environment to be happy.
7 24 I must be high and entertained to be happy.
8 24 I must be strong and in control to be happy.
1 21 I must be perfect and good to be happy.
3 21 I must be impressive and attractive to be happy.

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||| 70%
Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||| 46%
Type 3 Image Awareness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Type 4 Sensitivity || 10%
Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||| 50%
Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||| 43%
Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||| 80%
Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||||| 80%
Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||||||||| 83%

Your main type is 9
Your variant is sexual


Main type

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San Lorenzo de El Escorial

Just a few snaps from earlier today!


Amusing evening anecdote…

I had to explain what I do to a longtime friend of my bf.  Their friendship dates back to grade-school and they are both approaching late 30s.  I had to stop before I said something and ask, “How much do you want your friend to know of what I do?”

Obviously, being such long friends, my bf was quite fine with me telling his friend about what I do (the modelling and fetish videos).

I had to chuckle to myself because I started to say something and had to pull myself back.  I realized that what I do is so natural to me that I really need to be careful in mixed company.  Not everyone approves of what is it that I do, and I do not want to alienate a loved one because of this.  I, very obviously, do not go spouting, “I do porn!!” in front of my bf’s mother, but in company with his friends I have to be a tad more careful.



Lately, I’ve not had the motivation to do much at all.

School has been difficult on every level other than the actual work. Dealing with the complete lack of respect on the part of my fellow students AND, believe it or not, the administration in relation to MY progress. I have distinguished myself as star pupil (3.99 GPA, 85% attendance after a foray to NJ, Spain and Camp for more than 5 weeks and a bout with a stomach bug) and even served as secretary to the Student Council. Yet, they still find that I’m not worthy of common courtesy.

I’ve been toiling with expressing my complete lack of motivation. I’ve not had the motivation to express my lack of motivation, if you will.

I am taking over a foot fetish party franchise and while I’m happy about that, I feel like I’m floundering. I feel like things are not going as well as they should have. I’m pretty certain I’m just being over neurotic, but I don’t have the feedback I desire.

I watched “Julie and Julia” today. I kinda feel like the character “Julie” in the beginning. I feel like I’ve failed on so many fronts and I’m stuck in a huge rut. I am no where near where I wanted to be at this point in my life. The re-vamped plans for my life are also falling by the wayside.

This lack of motivation has left me with a messy apartment and a feeling of being overwhelmed at the prospect of picking back up and making it all work. School had me motivated for a few months but since my birthday in January I’m really feeling less and less interested.

I am bored.

It’s not challenging.

I am suffering for being adept at the material.

I have actually been able to make one friend in class. She’s suffering a similar plight in that she and I are both ahead of the rest of the class, and frightfully annoyed at the people we are stuck with. She also has another 5 week class to take the same as I but for different reasons.

Ah, yes, the extra 5 weeks. The schedulers have f*cked me hardcore, in the a$, without lube. I was supposed to be 3 days from my externship, but because the Education Director didn’t offer one of 2 final classes, I have an extra 5 weeks. I’m so incredibly bothered by that I can’t even articulate the level of anger this has caused in addition to the stress and near depression that I’ve experienced as a result of previously stated issues.

I’ve been unemployed for over a year and it’s killing me. School was a fix for awhile but that’s now become another source of stress. When I felt this way in the past I’d pick up and move on. At the time it felt like the right thing to do, but because of that, I now have all sorts of other issues. I’ve slowly been working through those.

I am not patient.

Shocking, I know.

Slowly I will pull through this, but I need motivation. Which brings us back to the mention of “Julie and Julia”. She had a plan and made it through. I just need to stick out the school and move on to the next level of the schooling plan. I need more though. I thought footnight would be the next project, but I don’t think it’s quite the motivation I need. (Yes, I’m going to keep doing the events, but as a source of motivation it falls short)

I need something else.

So, bottom line past the modelling, school, parties and events, I need a project. I need motivation.

I’m on the search.

Hello world!

Ok, so this is the first post.  I started this blog today.

I’ve been looking for a project and think that forcing myself to blog about the journey of finding motivation will help the process.

The next post will be the basis of search for motivation.

Here’s hoping!

Shorter Updates