Hair

So, I’ve been pinging about in my head since I conceived of shaving my head what it would mean. Hair is a woman’s crowning glory so they say, why on earth would I want to mess with it?

It was not just to jump on a trend. I honestly hadn’t even known it was a trend until someone mentioned it. IT was just a thing I’ve wanted on and off throughout the years. I’ve done faux-hawks, but nothing full tilt boogie like this.

I warned those involved that I might just cry when it happened. I nearly did.

Anyone who heard me discussing it will recall that I’ve repeatedly say “it’s just hair, it’ll grow back” and wonder why I’m making such a big deal of it. Well, I’ll tell you.

I’m fat. There are a handful of compliments that fat girls get regularly.
* Well, at least you have a pretty face.
* You have nice eyes.
* You have gorgeous hair.

Well, being that I have naturally very blonde hair, I got that last one almost as much as the pretty face one. Why is this such a big deal if I love myself as much as I do? Because it was me throwing convention back, leaving myself to live as I desire. Obviously, this I’ve been doing for ages with the hair dying and tattoos and the lack of self-loathing, but this was a physical thing, a tangible thing.

It was the final nail in the coffin of my past.

It was me coming to terms with being the black sheep.

It was me taking a step forward; succumbing to the catharsis; shedding my skin.

It was me being beautiful to me.

Many in my life were on the fence or against it. I can understand and appreciate their concerns about my choices. But as I told them, this wasn’t for them, even if I asked their input.

Processing my actions later I cried. I wept for all the things that I hid behind to get through my past and become the person I am today. I know lots of folks see me as this amazing well put together near perfect being.

News Flash: I’m not.

I’m far from perfect, and I’m a work in progress. That’s ok. I want to be unfinished. I want to be constantly striving to be a better me. Not to benefit anyone other than myself. I want to be a masterpiece in progress, growing, improving, inspiring.

I have been through many things. Most of these things I never share. You don’t need to know what I’ve been through. You just need to know where I am going. If you have been along for the ride then you have been there for the ups and downs. You have a unique perspective on my journey, but it is still my journey.

So, back to hair.

My hair has been complimented, donated, lusted after, and envied. It has always been something that gave me pride and frustration in equal amounts. Shaving my hair in part was to shed myself of my past and also embrace it. It was removing parts of me that others valued differently than myself. It was becoming a better me. It was laying to rest a security blanket.

I still have a lot of hair, but in those 2 side patches, I have freedom to be the me I want to be.Image

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Debbie
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 21:28:48

    You are a Mistresspiece.

    Reply

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